to The One Where Everyone Gets Marketing Advice
Sorry my website is so perfect but I’m a marketing demigod. I know you put a lot of effort into getting your marketing blog just right. And, I’m sure it’s really great.
You probably watched a bunch of videos by marketing geniuses on Youtube, and even took out a digital marketing book from the library. Well, you meant to get a book, but who has time to get a library card? And aren’t those things just glorified doorstops now? They are, and this super helpful and necessary tutorial proves it.
Anyhow, I noticed you even added some illustrations to your marketing blog. I was going to do that but decided it would be a lot nicer if I went to a Sotheby’s auction to get a few Picassos I could put up as my header images.
Sometimes I think it would be nice not to have the burden of putting out such an epic marketing website. A simple human would feel adequate going to a nine to five job, falling asleep to Netflix, and reading other people’s websites. Then, I come to my senses, and vow to continue creating the most amazing marketing website in the world.
You can keep trying this year if you wish. You can go the “I’m a certified coach route” or upgrade to a newer platform like Squarespace or update your Twitter bio to reflect that you’re a marketing ninja. But you won’t be able to match me: I’m a ninja turtle. Just kidding, I’m a marketing samurai demigod. Oh, and by next year I’ll have 13 years of actual marketing experience at real growing companies.
So, I’m sorry, it’s just, my marketing website is going to blow yours out of the park.
Questions? Contact: firstname.lastname@example.org
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A lot of marketing advice online is written by freelance writers who are paid to research topics and share tips, while having limited-to-no actual marketing experience. When you take advice from these folks, it’s like taking your sick dog to a person who’s read a book about dog surgery, versus taking your dog to a vet who’s had proper schooling and years of experience. 9/10 times your dog is dying with the reader, bruh! Don’t let your marketing die!
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